This is the most common, yet often least effective, approach. In the Have-Do-Be model, people believe they first need to have something (e.g., a degree, money, a specific relationship) in order to do something (e.g., get a good job, start a business, be happy), which then allows them to be a certain way (e.g., successful, fulfilled, loved).
“If only I had X, then I could do Y, and then I would be Z.”
From a young age, our educational systems often reinforce this model. We are taught to have good grades to do well in college, to have a degree to do a certain job, and then we can finally be successful. This model often leads to a perpetual state of chasing. We constantly seek external possessions or circumstances, believing that once we acquire them, happiness and fulfillment will automatically follow. This pursuit is often driven by fear - fear of not having enough, not being good enough, or not achieving external markers of success. This fear can lead to anxiety, constant striving, and a feeling of never being truly satisfied. However, this can be a trap, as external achievements often provide only temporary satisfaction, leaving us feeling unfulfilled and always wanting more. It’s a cycle of external validation, where our sense of self-worth is tied to what we possess. In the analogy of the man and his horse, this is like the rider constantly seeking external carrots to motivate the horse, rather than training it to move forward with internal drive.