The Illusion of Action-Driven Fulfillment #
Building on our understanding of the Have-Do-Be model, we now turn to a slightly more active, yet still often flawed, approach: the Do-Have-Be model. In this paradigm, individuals believe they must first do something (e.g., work hard, hustle relentlessly, network constantly) to have something (e.g., a promotion, wealth, recognition), which then allows them to be a certain way (e.g., respected, powerful, secure). This model is heavily promoted in professional life and the pervasive “hustle culture.”
“I will do everything it takes to have success, so I can finally be happy.”
The Relentless Pursuit of External Outcomes #
While the Do-Have-Be model emphasizes effort and action, it often leads to burnout, stress, and a feeling of emptiness. The relentless pursuit of external achievements without internal alignment can deplete your energy and leave you wondering if it was all worth it. This approach is often heavily outcome-oriented; the focus is solely on the end result, and if that result isn’t achieved, it can lead to disappointment and a sense of failure. This can make the journey feel like a means to an end, rather than a valuable experience in itself. It’s better than just waiting to have, but it can still lead to an unfulfilling existence if the ‘doing’ isn’t aligned with an internal sense of purpose. This is akin to constantly pushing oneself forward, exhausting energy without a clear, internally aligned direction.
The Rider Exhausting the Horse #
In our Rider and Horse analogy, the Do-Have-Be model depicts a Rider who is constantly spurring the Horse forward, demanding relentless action. The Rider believes that if the Horse just does enough (works harder, runs faster), it will have the desired reward, and then the Rider will be fulfilled. However, without a clear, internally aligned purpose, this becomes a treadmill. The Horse (our subconscious and physical body) becomes exhausted, resentful, and eventually breaks down. The Rider, focused solely on the external outcome, neglects the Horse’s needs and fails to cultivate a sustainable, joyful journey. This leads to a state of chronic striving where the effort itself becomes the goal, rather than a means to a truly meaningful end.
The Burnout Epidemic #
Consider the ambitious professional who works 80-hour weeks, sacrifices relationships, and neglects their health, all in pursuit of a promotion or a significant bonus. They do everything expected, they have the promotion, but then they are left feeling empty, burnt out, and questioning the value of their sacrifices. Or the aspiring artist who paints tirelessly, driven by the desire for recognition, only to find that even after achieving fame, the joy in their craft has vanished. This model, while seemingly productive, often leads to a hollow victory because the internal state of being is contingent on external validation and relentless effort, rather than intrinsic purpose.
My Own Treadmill Experience #
During my software engineering days, before my pivotal moment of disgust, I was deeply entrenched in the Do-Have-Be model. I did everything to automate, optimize, and deliver, believing that if I just did enough, I would have the recognition, the career progression, and then I would be successful and fulfilled. I worked long hours, took on every challenge, and constantly pushed myself. Yet, despite the tangible achievements, I felt a growing sense of emptiness. The more I did, the more I realized the goalposts kept shifting, and the promised state of fulfillment never arrived. It was a relentless treadmill, exhausting both my conscious efforts and my subconscious drive, ultimately leading to the profound disillusionment that sparked my quest for true freedom.
Shifting from Relentless Doing to Purposeful Action #
To escape the treadmill of the Do-Have-Be model, you must:
- Define Your “Why”: Before you do anything, understand the deeper purpose behind your actions. What truly motivates you beyond external rewards?
- Align Action with Values: Ensure your doing is congruent with your core values and what truly matters to you, not just what society or others expect.
- Prioritize Well-being: Recognize that sustained effort requires a well-rested and nourished Horse. Burnout is not a badge of honor.
- Embrace the Process: Find joy and meaning in the journey itself, not just the destination. The doing should be fulfilling, not just a means to an end.
Beyond the Treadmill of Unaligned Action #
The Do-Have-Be model, while emphasizing action, often leads to exhaustion and unfulfillment if that action is not rooted in a deeper, internally aligned purpose. Recognizing this limitation is crucial for moving towards a more sustainable and joyful path. In the next chapter, we will explore the foundational role of self-image, a critical component for truly embodying the ‘Be’ in the transformative Be-Do-Have model.